You Are My Sun
by Illumi Senri
Summary: While Gon is lying on the Hospital Bed, his life slowly ebbing away from him... Killua, for the first time, realized that his feeling and possesiveness for Gon is beyond friendship. Killua will go through any lenghts just to save the person most important to him... Just to prove that even death will never tear them apart... KilluaxGon Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

How many times have I thought about this before? Gon, you are my light.

Beyond this facade known as friendship, if you even peeled one layer of me, I wonder if you'd be terrified of how I really feel, how I really look at you... and how I would literally do anything just to be by your side.

I could take a thousand lives for you, and I wouldn't even feel a hint of guilt or remorse. As long as it was for your sake, I could do anything to protect you Gon… but now, you're in a hospital bed, just a mere 12 year old who aged rapidly after sacrificing your body and throwing away your life just to kill Neferpitou…

You're sick and dying, and the Hunter Associations unable to do anything for you, even after you just helped save the whole fucking world from being taken over by Chimera Ants…

There, they are more concerned about who's going to replace old man Netero as chairman... How freaking unfair is that?!

After the deed is said and done, they'd likely just get off with a thank you and send a useless Nen eraser to diagnose your condition as "hopeless!"

Damn, I almost killed that bitch right there and then in the hospital room, but I remembered that I promised myself not to kill innocent people again…

Then there's your useless father Ging Freecs…

Despite being aware of your condition, he wouldn't even come to see his only son in his deathbed…

Leorio punched him for that, but it wasn't enough to get him to come see you.

Everybody is being useless... If it's going to be like this, I might as well fucking kill 'everybody…'

No... No... I can't think like that, I won't allow you to die. You can't die Gon. If you die, what will become of me?! You are my sun; you illuminate the darkness within me... You gave me warmth... You gave me something to live for; you gave me the capability to love…

Yes, this is love... It's already gone beyond friendship. I might as well admit to myself what I feel about you… I want to be with you until our recklessness kills us both at the same time... but there's no way in hell that I'm letting you go before me this early... We still have a whole life ahead of us.

No... I won't allow you to die, there's a way.

Alluka, my beloved sister that the whole Zoldyck family fears, yet is unable to let go of… She can create that miracle for a cost.

You'll be fine Gon, I'll entrust you to our master Bisket for a while.

*All that transpired can be read in the manga. Killua saved Gon, but the two part in order to give Gon the privacy he needed with his father.*

It was their last night together and as usual, they slept in the same room and on the same bed like kids.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" Gon asked, looking to his white haired friend for an answer.

This was probably the... 57th time that question had been brought up, and the heck if I'm keeping an exact count... but I know that each time the question has been asked, I've almost broke my resolve and begged for you to take me with you.

As usual, I ignore what I really want, and prioritize the option that would be for the best.

I frown at him like the answer is obvious, but on the inside, I know how badly I really want to stay. "I told you I can't; I'll be traveling with Alluka to explore the world."

Well, I do owe her that much. She's been kept imprisoned in the Zoldyck household since birth, and the least I could do as her big brother who also owed her my best friends life, is to help her live her life freely for once.

Gon gave me somewhat of a hurt expression mixed with a heavy sadness, and I couldn't help but take the look on his face personally, like It was me who was causing him this terrible pain. Even though I know Gon's intention wasn't to make me feel terrible about leaving, and it was merely his own qualms causing this, I still felt that it was my fault to some degree.

"W-Why are you making that face? We're friends aren't we? It's not like we'll never see each other again. Once things settled down, we'll hook up again just like before, and go on even more reckless adventures."

Despite my words, Gon still had the same look adorning his face as before, and I felt yet another tug of strong emotions over-sweep me.

Please Gon, I'm begging you... Don't make that face; I'm also hurt by our sudden parting, but I can't stand to see you so stricken with sadness.

I could never let you go, Gon, not matter how far I am from you. It's me who wants to possess you completely, not the other way around, and It's me who can't sleep at night while thinking about you, so please, don't make such a terrible expression over me.

Your honesty, your innocence, It attracts every person who comes into contact with you one way or the other.

It's me who wants to monopolize you. At first, I thought it was just because you're my best friend that I feel this way...

But I've come to realize while you were lying in that hospital bed, that I want to live my life with you, to see the world through your eyes, to eat the same Food that you eat, and breathe the same air that you do. I want to walk in the same path as you, Gon.

I've witnessed how your immature self, turned into someone unbelievably attractive. Your still tanned body developed these well-toned muscles, and your warm, stubby, and calloused hands became much longer and thinner... Just thinking about you in that way feels like betrayal.

"Yeah, I know... but I don't want to be apart from you. Since the day we met, we've never been a part... I can't bear it Killua..." It seemed as though nothing could break his sadness.

"Ah geez Gon... Just go to sleep... Don't think about it too much..." I finally lied down to bed, and tried to follow my own advice by not thinking about it.

But I was in for a surprise...

Gon suddenly smothered me with a hug, and I could immediately feel his breath feathering my neck. He was so close; we've never been this close before…

A blush crept onto my face. His breath felt so hot, and his warm body wrapped around me in a comfortable grip. In this darkness, I wouldn't dare use Gyo to see his Expression, or I might just lose my resolve…

Then the next moment, I felt his lips seeking mine in desperation. He fumbled around in the dark a bit, but ended up landing a kiss lightly onto my pursed lips.

I don't know how much of this was real, or if I was already asleep and simply dreaming, but I did not want any of it to stop...

His hands sought out every inch of my bare skin, and I didn't dare ask Gon what the hell is he was doing; I didn't want to break this spell in the slightest...

My head was already floating. How does this pure and naïve guy know what the heck he's doing?!

Ah, I don't want us to be apart… and I don't want this to end either.

I could feel a wet and warm tear plop onto me, staining my shirt.

I didn't say anything that night, and didn't know how we even got through it... Darkness hid our emotions and embarrassment from being seen by the other... And the next day, we acted in front of Alluka like nothing was amiss, and parted in front of the World Tree...

DISCLAIMER: I don't own HunterxHunter... But I love them to death... It's my first time writing a fanfic on this site. If there is at least one review, claiming they're reading this, I'll continue writing this story...Thank you. :-)

Special thanks to Luffyftw for editing this, really I'm so grateful^_^ Thank you…


	2. Chapter 2

3 Years Later

Is it just me, or is it really true that every second, every minute feels like eternity..? Oh well, If its just

me… I probably know the reason why.. I've been wallowing in the dark again ever since Gon and I went

on our separate ways for a while.

I say for a while but I don't really know when are we going to reunite again.. No specific plans, no

definite goodbyes.. Just simple 'see you again' but when exactly Is that? I want to see Gon so badly..

The way I craved to see the light of the sun every day .

Little by little, bit by bit.. I'm losing myself without Gon by my side.. Without Gon I'm just an empty shell,

Without soul, without conscience, without emotions, without attachments, without specific goals… Just

moving base on a Zoldyck's instinct in other words, a ruthless assasins instinct. Kill or be killed. Show no

mercy. Stalk the prey and kill them efficiently. My brother illumi's and dad's words kept ringing in my

ears. Maybe that just proves there is no escaping your bloodline. Every drop of my blood, every single

cell of my body is a Zoldyck. There is no side stepping that fact and as dad said, someday I'll come back

of my own free will because I would always, always be a Zoldyck..

But when I'm with Gon, I always felt like I'm just normal. Like everybody else. I can smile naturally, act

naturally, I can pursue my own path.. As long as I'm with that warm person that gives light to my

existence.. Gon, where are you now?

I spend the last 3 years going around the world, seeing different things, experiencing different culture

and exploring many things with Alluka. I didn't neglect my nen training either. I wonder if you're also

doing your nen training seriously. Or you're too busy catching up with your father.. Gon, what have you

been up to for the last few years?

Do you seriously expect me to sit still the whole time we are not together? Waiting the whole time that

we meet coincidentally? Or is it that you deliberately doing this, not contacting me, because you want

me to find you? If you really want to, there are lots of ways.. email, cellphone, Hunter Associations

bulletin board, airmail, whatever.. Point is, there IS a way..

I guess you're like Ging Freecs more than you realized.. You're single minded, when you have a goal, no

person or circumstances can stop or interfere to you. Like you almost forgot me if not completely.. Like

our last night together didn't happen at all.. Or am I distorting my memory on purpose? I remember that

our last night you're crying.. And… You kissed me.. You made me jumped on the conclusion that maybe

our level of affection for each other may not be that far off..I love you and I plan on telling you this time

given the chance. Can we go back to the way we are before? Or take a big leap this time?

For a while Alluka willingly went home to the Zoldyck household… Just as she promised, after playing

with me for a while she's letting me go. Free to pursue Gon. What a thoughtful kid. The only person

apart from Gon that can stir my emotions. It's been 6 months since then, and now I'm in Yorknew City.

Getting in touch with the old crowd, Leorio, Kurapika and other hunters like Palm, Knuckle and Shoot…

Even going as far as asking the other active members of Hunter Association.

They have no idea about your whereabouts or even Ging Freecs for that matter.. Its like the both of you

disappeared from the face of the world.. Which is something on Ging Freecs case, very normal,

according to his acquaintances. It's a very terrifying thought if Ging took you with him. Because nobody

can find you then, unless you want to be found..

But 2 weeks ago Cheadle Yosrkshire, the new chairman of Hunter's Association got a lead that you might

be in Yorknew City during the annual underground auction.. She's positive that Ging will be there

because of a rare artifact that is going to be auctioned is something that Ging Freecs is said to be

interested in.

Even though the lead is not that big, I might as well cling onto something than nothing.. I want to see

you so badly.. Though I'm scared of the changes.. I'm terrified on even pondering how much you've

changed… Am I still you best friend? Am I still worth being by your side? I can't help being plagued by

this paranoia, after all this time I'm still insecure.. You are like the sun not just to me, but to everybody,

you give hope to people, that's why every single person who ever get fortunate enough to ever meet

you, holds you dear.. The complete opposite of me..

As I walk through these familiar streets of Yorknew City, I can't help but reminisce our last time here

together… We just barely started learning nen and we already had a few dangerous run-ins with the

Phantom Troupe. When I think about it, chills ran down my spine.. It's a good thing that you are an

unbelievably lucky person Gon. We could've died a few times over. I'm strong and sensible enough

now to realized that they are seriously way out of our league.. And being charismatic and lucky as you

are, Hisoka, Pakunoda , Nobunaga and even Chrollo took an interest to you. Only you. If I had been

captured alone by that time, I would've been dead by now.

Back to reality, for a few days now I feel like I'm being followed.. The person must be very skillful, I

don't detect anything at all. Evil intents or dropping of aura, nothing… But I feel something. Call it my

Hunter's or ex-assasin's instincts but I know somebody is following me for a few days and I'm trying to

draw the person out.. Who are you? What do you want from me?

- GON-

I already know that Killua noticed me following him for a few days already even though I spend years of

training just to perfect my hiding skills and my zetsu. I know he's looking for me for the past few months

and I know that he's here on Yorknew City for the same reason. I've been following him for a few days

but I still don't have the courage to show my face to him..

For the first time, in my entire life, I finally understands Ging's cowardice.. Refusing to see me for more

than a decade, deliberately hiding from me.. Because there are things in life, like an important person

that takes more than courage and strong nen abilities to face..

Killua, apart from my family… You are the most important person in my life. But I don't know how to

face you. Our last night together still lingers on my mind.. How I let myself lose… I touched you, I kissed

you and you let me do as I wished without protest that night.. I couldn't have been more honest and

open than that night. What I really feel about you.. You always give in to what I want when I insist and I

feel bad about it now that I've matured a little. What do you think of me, that night?

Did you let me do whatever I want that night because I'm your best friend? Call me coward but I'm

scared to know the answer.. I just move instinctively and that night… It feels like it's the most natural

thing to do… So now I don't know how to face you.. Can we go back to the way it was before?

Somehow, thinking that you might feel the same way is beyond miracle. I'm not hoping for anything.

But above anything, I want to stay by your side…

Killua, you might not know this but in this world, you are the one I fear the most.. And yet in this world, you are the one I want the most…

DISCLAIMERS:

I don't own HunterXHunter..

Thanks for the reviews and constructive criticism.. I'm also very open to suggestions.. If I get more

reviews I'll continue the story and this time… Face to face of Gon and Killua..


	3. Chapter 3

-KILLUA-

Somebody's still following me… But I still don't sense anything out of place.. Am I just imagining this? Being too paranoid? No, I don't think so. I survived all this time relying on my intuition. I still can't get this nagging feeling out of my system.. Someone's following me..

Though I'm still far from losing my habit of fleeing in the face of the unknown, I can proudly say there's improvement.. Besides, this someone or something is not the kind of being I can flee from. Though it's wrong to assessed the other party's skill even before the battle start, I'll say the person following me is very skillful.. Probably on par with me or more, and that possibility gave me the urge to run..

But even facing this predicament, I still can't help but think about Gon… This is the kind of situation where Gon will be beside himself out of excitement and anticipation of facing the unknown. While on the other hand, I'll be beside myself over thinking the situation.. We're polar opposites.. Gon and I.. And even now, I still couldn't fully comprehend why we got along so well.. WE have nothing in common except our age.

But I guess those kinds of things are matter of compatibility. He always filled those places that I lacked.. My emotions, my purpose in life, my lack of interest and more. I want to stay by his side and just like old times, experienced many things with him. I need the comfort of being able to stay by his side. Gon, where are you now?

After all these months of seriously putting effort to find you, I already want to give up because of the lack of positive results. I don't feel any progressed at all. Its like you don't want to be found. Just the very thought of that possibility repulsed me. I'm not a very optimistic person like you who strived until the very end just to find Ging Freecs, despite the fact that he doesn't want to see you. Once again, that made me realized how much difference do we have and why do you let me stay by your side. Gon, I'm not like you. Therefore I know that I need to walk different path from you.. But despite knowing that, I still want to stay by your side. Back then and even now.

I've been walking the streets of Yorknew CIty for quite some time now, but I still don't sense anything out of place. What is that person's objective? I don't sense any malicious intent so maybe I'm not yet in danger of being killed via ambushed or trap.. He's just following me. A stalker? Huh, maybe.. I'll just hit one of the bars and picked somebody for a companion through the night.. I don't know about Gon, but I'm still far from turning into a saint. I still gamble, I even try a drink or two occasionally and I even pick some girls or guys occasionally but never dated seriously. Especially some guys who resemble Gon even for a bit. His dark and spiky hair, his dark brown eyes that greatly resembled the chocolates I love the most.

As I entered one of the high class bars in some Yorknew City's big hotels that is owned by some mafia Don, the nagging feeling is getting stronger. As if its warning me to stay away from this place. Bingo! What a laugh, if the person following me is getting a agitated when I enter this place, ofcourse I would want to enter this place even more.

Sitting in front of the bartender "One black Russian for me please, and keep the change." I said while holding a thick wad of bills. "Right away sir." Maybe the bartender want to say something more about my obvious age but decide against saying anything since I looked like one of those people who frequent this place. Formal clothes, affinity for cocktails and generous tip.

It didn't take long for me to be surrounded by people. Mostly older women, like a daughter or a wife of some mafia Don. Giving subtle hints of picking me up for the night. But not yet. Almost there, the nagging feeling is getting worse by the minute. In fact I'm almost sensing some malicious killing intent. But still skillful enough so that I wouldn't be able to point out that person's location. But he's definitely nearby. I don't know what triggers this, but without doing anything unnatural that person is reacting.. But crap, I'm getting lightheaded I might have drink more than I'm supposed to if I want to stay alert. This fatal mistake may get me killed but I have the urged of intoxicating myself. Even for a while, I want to take Gon out of my mind.

-GON-

Congratulations for turning into a total stalker. Yes I've been following Killua for a few days now but I still have no idea how to face him.. In fact, the more I observed him, the more I'm getting the cold feet. Seeing his life made me feel like he doesn't need me anymore. At this rate, it seems like my courage only amounts to facing the Chimera Ant King with the odds against me, than facing Killua right now.

I want to stay by his side. Even now more than before, I want to be with him. I need him above anything or anybody else in the world. I want him to know that I can't survived without him.. All this time, I'm grateful. I'm only alive because of Killua. He's my lifeline. And I've lost count how many times did he save this sorry person that I am.

Always the stupid one. I couldn't even think like an average person and I have to rely on Killua for all the thinking.. Then my recklessness that put everybody around me in danger. My body always leap before I could even think. Where Killua is the calmer one. He will assessed the situation before making any reckless moves. I also lost count how many times his calmness in judging the situation saved me from unnecessary troubles.

And also, above anything in the world, I need his presence. I could only do my best when Killua is beside me. He always provide the support that I need. After all these time, the time I spend away from him only made my feelings stronger. I need to be with him.

Its been a few days now… Its my breaking point. Whether I'll face him now or fled for life… The latter is the easiest, but that's out of the question. I can't live without Killua, literally. Killua is a part of me. Without him, there would be nothing left but void emptiness inside me.

When Killua entered a high class bar, I feel annoyed for lots of reason.. Killua is drinking, he's still under age..! And he's even flirting with girls..! I can see it from the other building where I am currently located. The bar is on the 4th floor of the hotel, the interior is surrounded by bulletproof glass. It annoys me so much, my killing intent slipped and I clearly saw Killua turned his head on my direction. He's really sharp. I had to hide myself in a hurry. But for a thousandth time, I asked myself… Why am I hiding?

I sighed.. I just have to grit my teeth and show myself in front of him. How hard can that be?! Just as I was planning to wait for Killua to get out, I felt a multiple killing intent on a different directions.. Probably some nen users, but their setzu is not even nearly enough for me or Killua not to notice. The killing intents are directed to Killua.

Their aura are not that strong but there are atleast half a dozen of them. Killua immediately left the bar. He went to a more isolated alley. The whole time I've been following him, leaping from building to building. So are the nen users pursuing him. If I saw Killua even on a slightest danger, I'll kill them.

Killua stopped. "What do you want from me?" as he said that, he let out his powerful aura to intimidate his opponents. It's a lot more stronger than I remember. As I thought, Killua must've trained like crazy too these past 3 years. At this moment, I overcome my fears of facing him. Because above anything, I want nothing more than stay and fight by Killua's side..

-KILLUA-

These people, following me are not with the skilled person following me for the past few days. Even I can tell that much. For one, they're not nearly strong enough. Another one is that they're careless in concealing themselves or maybe not careless but not skillful enough. I can probably take them down."What do you want from me?"

Two, four, seven nen users showed themselves in a moment. All men on their mid thirties. Wearing civilian clothes so its practically impossible to know their objectives based on their clothes alone. "We came for the bounty of your head, young Zoldyck.. Heck, even a fucking picture of you and your family cost hundreds of millions each member." Said the man on Killua's right side..

Hah, I should've known. Zoldyck, eh? Even though its already been 4 years since I retired there are still people who can tracked me down even though my family are taking extra measures to cover our tracks. Well, I could probably guess that the reason is because these last 6 months I've been actively bugging the Hunter's Association's Headquarter. Not to mention, posting on the Hunter Association's bulletin boards. Ah, its all Gon's fault..! I've been practically announcing my whereabouts, even less than average skilled hunter like these people in front of me can find my whereabouts if they tried hard enough.. I should count myself lucky that only these handful of people came and not a battalions. I guess people are still intimidated by hearing the name Zoldyck.

"We are professional Blacklist Hunter. Before handing you over to the government, we would use any methods to make you spit the other Zoldyck's locations.." The man in front of me said. But this is getting boring. Torture huh? So classic and old-fashioned. These bunch of losers must've thought I'm an easy picking since I'm still in my teens. These hunters are underestimating the Zoldyck's too much.

They started to gather aura. It looks like they planned to attack at the same time.. Good tactics, because one on one I could take them all down with my eyes close and without using nen. It took time for them to gather aura, before they could even move from where they stand, I jumped and used Kanmuru. Electrocuting every one of them. But then suddenly smoke cans are suddenly thrown in my directions. Not just one or two but atleast dozens of them!

I felt lightheaded and nausea crept into my throat. I was about to use my Denkosekka(Godspeed) to get out of the smoke and out of this place. But I realized I'm paralyzed on the spot. This is no normal sleeping gas or paralyzing gas. Those gasses should've no effect on me whatsoever 'cause I'm immune to poisons. What is this smoke? I slowly sink into the ground. My body can't move but my mind is still clear. I can hear a single footsteps getting closer. Also a strong aura that couldn't even be compared to those weaklings.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. I've been careless. Those weaklings are decoys..! This one is the leader. But I'm sure he's not the one following me for a while either. A man on his late forties, large built and wearing military type clothes emerged from the smoke. Changing his aura into wind, therefore the smoke wouldn't even come a meter close on him. "Killua Zoldyck, eh? I spend a lot just to set a trap for you. Normal people would be in coma or dead by now in this huge amount of paralyzing smoke. These gas canisters are especially ordered overseas and not meant for humans. They're used to paralyzed mystical beast. I heard a rumor before that Zoldyck's are immune to poisons. I didn't believe them at first, but I'm glad I took some extra precautions." The man said casually.I decided to keep my silence, I have to come up with a plan instead of listening to this arrogant man's rantings. I have to think about my next move when I recovered from the paralysis cause by this gas. If only I'm not being careless, even this guy is no match for me.

He suddenly pulled my head upwards and I glared. "Are you listening to me you fucking impudent brat..?! I'm going to earn billions just by turning you over to the government. Your whole family's next.. So don't you dare give me that look..!" He lost his temper and punch my gut. It hurts a bit but my pain tolerance is incomparable. This is nothing. Though I'm slowly losing my consciousness.

I'm resigned to be at this crazy old man's mercy until I can finally move my body, when I felt a familiar aura. So strong, more intimidating than I showed earlier and the killing intent is so powerful that I almost got the urge to flee. Except I know that aura. Its his. I know so.. Am I dreaming? Or wait, did I die? How can he be here? Gon..

My assailant panicked so much he dropped me in surprised. He became alert, but sweat is dripping all over him. He's shaking. This murderous intent is clearly directed to him. I couldn't see clearly because of my fading consciousness and the smoke. But I saw Gon grabbing the man in the neck with one hand. Choking him, mouth foaming, face turning blue to purple. Then letting the unconscious man fall on the ground like a rag doll. Lifeless. Did Gon killed him? It can't be. I'm just imagining this.

"Killua, are you okay Killua? Hey..!" Gon called over and over but I can't hold on anymore.. The last thing I remember is Gon's face amidst the darkness..

DISCLAIMERS:

I don't own HunterXHunter. Thanks for reading. If I get more reviews claiming they're still reading, I'll keep writing. If not I'll kill both Gon and Killua on the next chapter. Haha, just kidding^_^ I know its somewhat turning into requiem, next chapter I'll make it less melancholic. Really though, I'm more surprised how many people read "I'm Not Naïve Killua". Really, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Also this is not yet edited by Luffyftw, but she will eventually^_^ I need her infinite wisdom and skills.. Language barrier sure is tough to break. But I'll keep studying. I'm supposed to upload this chapter last week but it somehow slipped out of my mind. What with me being obsessed in reading the whole novel of Legend of the Legendary Heroes…!

Did anybody watch Hunter X Hunter episode 131?! Epic right?!


	4. Chapter 4

(A/N: I switched to third person to avoid confusion since Gon and Killua are finally together)

As Gon gazed at the figure on the bed, he sighed in relief. He's breathing normally. No fatal wounds visible. But the smoke he inhaled is definitely fatal. For most humans, that is. Gon have always knew that Killua is special. What with the very unusual family he grew up to.

Hellish trainings, countless tortures, assassinations and cruel family members. Just thinking about those factors, it really is a mystery that Killua grew up as a different person than his family expected.

_AH, I can't believe its been three years. Time flies.._

Although Gon doesn't particularly noticed the changes with himself. Killua's changes are quite apparent in Gon's eyes. The small body in his memory is now replaced with teenage guy with a well-built body. Muscles that are lithe and sinewy, meant for agility than strength. Not that Killua is no competition in raw power, he's still pretty much on par(maybe, even stronger) with Gon before.

Gon totally lost track of time as he stare at Killua. He didn't notice that its been hours since then. Gon is still lost in thought. His reluctance on seeing Killua after so long is temporarily forgotten. Lost in the reminiscence of their last night together. He still remembered every little detail. And he definitely didn't forget the way their lips met. That kiss. That night.

At the memory, Gon felt the blood rushing on his head and he stand up from chair he's been sitting on at the bedside. He decided to take a bath and change into normal clothes as he belatedly realized that he's still wearing the ragged and worn practical clothes that Ging suggested that he ought to wear as they explored the wilderness and ruins in different places on different countries. He needed to shave either. His hair now grew shoulder length that it's a necessity to tie it.

Gon had been in places without hairdressers or mirrors or clothing store so to speak for a few years now. In those places, people he and Ging meet doesn't really pay attention on appearances so there's no reason to be overly self-conscious. But now that he's back in civilization he had to dress the part of being civilized. But he's been so caught up in stalking-ehem, following Killua he forgot. Gon decided to be presentable before Killua opened his eyes.

But before he could do any of those things, Killua stirred on his the bed. Clearly about to woke up. Gon belatedly realized that its already at least 9 in the morning, based on the light streaming through the window in that tiny apartment.

Gon tensed at the sight of Killua that is about to wake up. As if it's a bomb that's about to detonate, rather than his long time best friend about to woke up. His fear of meeting Killua after so long came back with a BANG, that on that millisecond he contemplated on jumping out of the window, or bolting out of the door. Anywhere is fine as long as Killua don't see him. He hid his presence though he didn't move. One on some useful skills he picked up from Ging.

But he was glued on the spot where he was standing. Killua opened his eyes, his cerulean blue eyes quite teary and wet from waking up. Gon is mesmerized on seeing that beautiful eyes of Killua closely after so long that he became lost on its depth. His fear dissipated and for a moment Gon forgotten why he plans to run away in the first place.

Killua woke up and groggily eyed his surrounding for a few seconds, then he became tensed and alert as he was trained to do since young. After all, this place is unfamiliar, he belatedly noticed somebody standing in front of him. He didn't notice immediately because that person is hiding his presence skillfully, normal people won't notice him. But he's Killua after all.

Killua's first reaction is be ready in combat mode but when he take a good look, its just Gon.. His tense form sagged in relief but at the same time, that relief is replaced with a feeling akin to excitement, joy and a bit of fear. Killua stared at Gon's face. Unable to say anything. His mind totally blank.

More importantly, the clothes Gon wore registered on Killua a second later and he frowned. Some stubble darkening his jaw, and an unkempt long hair tied carelessly. A light and faded brown colored shirt. Then a grey jacket in a rough texture that Killua doesn't recognized. Then a ragged faded pants that used to be blue but almost grey now. Patched in some places and very shabby.

_Ugh, my clothes. Killua's staring.._

"Oh, hey? Its been a while Killua.." Gon said awkwardly, feeling very much like an idiot. After three years of separation is that the best thing he can say?! HUH?! IS THAT IT?! And his clothes are totally lame..! As he compared his clothes to Killua, who wore an impeccable dark blue tuxedo that compliment his cerulean blue eyes perfectly, Gon looked like a beggar. Oh well, Killua have always been the stylish one between the two of them. And those tux is for Killua to be able to enter some high class bars and hotels. Wherein Gon still live his life wildly as a drifter to follow his whimsical father all over the globe.

Although pretty much at lost on what to say. Killua's first instinct is to flung his arms around Gon and hug him with all his might. Desperate for the skin contact. Its been so long after all. But as his eyes darted on Gon's weird and ragged clothing. Not only unsuitable for hotels and bars but very unsuitable to the Yorknew City itself if that is quite possible. Worst than the eco-friendly lame clothes they wore back in NGL Autonomous Region.

"Ah, its been a while Gon." Killua managed to mumble back. Although he want to smashed Gon's face before, for giving him so much trouble just to find him. And also for making him feel quite insecure to the fact that Gon may not want to see him. There are tons of things he wanted to say, millions of questions he so badly wanted to asked but unable to do so at the moment.

"Where are we anyway? I remembered you saving me last night.." He said. Its not his policy to thank a friend 'cause its only natural to help each other out." How did you know?" He frowned wondering how could Gon be there at the place at that time. That's too much of a coincidence.

"Just some rundown apartment at some corner of Yorknew City I rented a week ago. You know I've never been that picky on a place as long as I have a roof above my head. Besides, I only come to sleep here anyways" Gon said while shrugging. Deliberately avoiding the second question.

That gave Gon away. As Killua's mind worked fast, he already deduced that Gon's here on Yorknew City for at least a week. It finally dawned to Killua. "Then that means you're the elusive stalker that's following me around for a few days now…!" Killua said accusingly but the corner of his lips twitching from a repressed smile..

Gon looked down and scratched the back of his head. The childish gesture that he always do when caught in the act that gave Killua some relief that Gon didn't changed that much. "Ah well, about that. I admit that I'm following you.." Gon said, his face turning red.

Killua jumped and tackled Gon. They both fall on the floor with a loud thud. Tickling his side, and Gon tickled him back. Its like they didn't separate at all. The way they act toward each other is still very much the same. Both still act childishly. All the doubts and insecurities inside Killua vanished. As if it didn't exist in the first place.

_Uh huh, so much for preparing things to say to give Gon an earful. I couldn't even get mad, just seeing that childish and innocent cheerful smile that gives light to my world is enough to wipe all of my negative emotions. Heck, that's cheating.._

Killua frowned as he inspect Gon carefully. When he closed his eyes, he can still pretty much imagine the 13 years old Gon very clearly. He smells exactly the same. The smell of the sun and forest. With Killua's eyes opened he can pretty much see that Gon is taller than him now. As an enhancement type, its only to be expected that Gon's body became muscular and bulky.

In comparison to Gon's apparent change, Killua somewhat feel another pang of insecurities and uneasiness. Gon changed so much while Killua might've grown taller than before, compared to Gon's body, he seemed so weak and fragile. Gon hold Killua's hands. What used to be a hand the same sized as his, now slightly bigger.

"What are you thinking Killua?" Gon asked, he noticed that Killua is thinking about something. Gon's fear of seeing Killua is now completely gone. He expected Killua to be mad at him and give him a good thrashing or two. Its good to know that everything is still the same between them.

"Nothing, Gon. Anyway, what's with the get up? Is that a new trend on a country or place you've been?" Killua asked sarcastically. No point in worrying about things that changed while they're separated. Gon is right here, right now and they could catch up as much as they want. No need to hurry.

"You're making fun of me..!" Gon pouted.

Killua laughed unashamedly at that. "I'm joking Gon. While I'm at it, let me cut your hair and shaved your stubbles? I can see you're no good at it. When's the last time you ever looked at yourself in the mirror? With your wild and unkempt look, I could've mistaken you for Ging. What have you been doing anyway?" Killua desperately wanted to know, although he masked it with an off handed question.

"Haircut? Sure, let's go to the bathroom them, though its very small. What have I been doing? For the past three years? Ah well for starters going around in some uninhabited places that humans are not meant to set their foot into. But that's a long story. Guess I'll tell you bit by bit. But tell me your story too."Gon motioned then to enter the bathroom. He produced a straight razor from his pocket and gave it to Killua.

Gon sat on the edge of the tub and Killua started trimming Gon's hair. First severing his long hair along with the ponytail. Killua is not a particularly a good hairdresser, but at this rate even Gon going bald is better than his current hairstyle and that's saying something.

"Mostly going around places with Alluka. She's excited about anything and everything. She's almost 15 now, and I left her in the Zoldyck mansion for a while. I just want to find you as soon as possible. I don't know about you, but with me its never been the same again. I… I want to be with you and this time, I'll stick with you until the end. Whatever that end is." Killua's face reddened.

Gon had the decency not to turn around and embarrassed Killua further. His heart is pounding. He doesn't want to assume anything from what Killua just said. Gon have always been aware of his own feelings for Killua. Not being able to see Killua for three years didn't diminish the feelings even for a bit. If ever, due to his maturity and experienced, his perspective on that feelings somewhat changed and deepened.

He doesn't want to assume anything based on what happened on their last night together. It was something that both of them didn't want to voice out. They're both terrified of confirmation. "I too.. Killua.. All these years, I could only think of you.. Thinking the whole time that 'I wish Killua is with me right now' for a lot of reasons" Gon said with sincerity.

"Gon… I… I…." Killua didn't manage to say the three words that he had always wanted to tell Gon. Instead, he hugged Gon from his back. Their heart's both pounding loudly.

_Not now, but someday I'll be able to say those words.._

**Disclaimers:**

**I don't own Hunter X Hunter.. If people are still reading this please leave a review, even constructive criticisms and suggestions are very much welcome..**

**Uwaah, I can't believe people are seriously reading Unconventional Love. So embarrassing, even now I can't believe I wrote that thing..! On top of that, I got a review saying that I should continue the story instead of oneshot, what does the reader thinks? I actually don't have any confidence in writing something serious. Unconventional Love is bound to become serious in a long run. The last time I wrote a serious fanfic for FMA entitled Tranquilizer, I only got one review. Given that the readers and writers over there are 30 times more than over here in HXH. Its such a huge letdown honestlyT_T I'm only cut for light reading I guess.**


	5. Chapter 5

Things unsaid are hanging in the air between the two of them. Both of them can feel the presence of those unsaid things but neither of them wanted to take the initiative to ask the other one out. If only things could've played out the way they both imagined their reunion would be. But the awkwardness between them is a problem that needs to be overcome first.

Gon, for the most part wanted to just tackle Killua and make him his. Its one of those frustrating situations that Gon deemed to be needed a remedy that could only be solved by actions, not words. Because there is no amount of words that can make Killua or anybody else understand, the kind of affection that grow within him after all these years.

As he watched Killua choose some clothes from the rack in some boutique in Yorknew City, Gon couldn't care less. Killua could've chosen a clown suit for all he knows and he wouldn't even notice. The only thing he's been paying attention is how Killua's elegantly long fingers, meticulously ran his hand through the clothes that he's chose for Gon to wear.

_Huh, I should've been born as a clothes if it mean Killua would touch me like that.._

Indeed. Gon's train of thought is turning from bad to worse. The desperation is resurfacing in his conscious mind. Walking with Killua around the city is at first a very enticing thing, since its been a while But people's stares and girls admiration to his best friend is ruining the moment. This is a definitely a mistake.

_I wished I could just simply hide Killua in a basement or something so that people's eyes would no longer fall prey upon his inhumanly beautiful self._

How come a person who almost died last night, with a face and arms adorned by scrapes and bruises that's getting started to become blue and purple to some places still managed to become this attractive?! Ah, how unfair. Even if Killua choose all the finest clothes in the world, it wouln't even make him half as attractive as Killua.

"Hey, Gon? Are you even listening? You've been spacing out the whole time. What the matter? You don't like the clothes I'm choosing for you? Just so you know, this is the trend. Not some eco-friendly crap that you prefer." Killua said irritatingly. Somewhat thinking that Gon is not listening.

Well, clothes are clothes. To Gon, they're just a necessity. Trendy and cool clothes are just a luxury. As long as you hide your skin, and be protected from the sun and cold, anything is fine right? After all, Gon's clothes before only consist of handmade by his aunt Mito. Whale island don't even have branded clothing shop.

But to Killua, clothes are another thing altogether. Clothes had to be trendy and cool looking at the very least. Ah well, that just show their differences. Killua was born from a wealthy family where etiquette and propriety hold some importance. But despite the difference, they are naturally gravitated to each other.

And now, Gon is positive that what he feel about Killua is definitely love. Plain and simple. All those irrational longing and sleepless nights he spent because of Killua finally made sense when he finally accepted that its love. Many things started to make sense. Gon was enlightened, but that's where the main problem started.

The frustration is finally getting into him. Killua, walking around like that. Killua is clearly provoking his possessiveness. If only things between them are not so complicated. What with them, being both guys. As Gon went all over the world with Ging, meeting a lot of people and came to understand a lot of culture, relationship between two guys might be frowned upon by some people but its definitely not uncommon.

_If only he would tell me he also feel the same if I told him I love him, then things would've been simple_

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Killua have been talking nonstop about what clothes to wear, what food to eat and stuff as he and Gon walked all over Yorknew City. Though he's just babbling. What he really wanted to say, the important words are things he couldn't even utter in whisper. One of those words are…

_Gon, I know its not proper. And I know you wouldn't understand. But I… I love you… And its not the friendship stuff that you're probably thinking either._

He sighed involuntarily. Its not like saying those words could bring about absolution. It would only bring about more trouble than he could ever handle. Everything would be okay if the feelings are mutual. But the odds are against him. So he wouldn't say it.

One of the lessons in assassination, don't attack when the odds are against you. You'll die. If you're not sure about the opponent, better run for it. Oh well, that's for combat. But those lessons are somewhat applicable to love confessions too.

_If he shot me down, or worse tell me he didn't get it, I'll die in humiliation. That would be lucky though if I didn't kill him first out of frustration._

He kept choosing clothes for Gon that Killua think that would best suit Gon now. The taller, leaner, muscular and handsome Gon. It brings tears to Killua's eyes that Gon, as childish and naïve as he is probably didn't even noticed the attention he's been getting just simply walking down the streets. Girls are literally swooning and he didn't even notice. That's a crime, right? How unfair.

For this person to be blessed by both the looks, the open individuality, the charm and a good heart is just cheating. He already got everything. People simply want him as a big brother, as a friend, as an uncle, as a cousin, as a confidante, as a teacher, as a companion and as a lover. That's only the gist of it. People just want more.

_Just like how I want Gon for myself. Just mine and mine alone._

Killua is sort of annoyed to Gon because he's been spacing out the whole time they're together. Even when choosing clothes, he doesn't really care or even pay attention. Its getting him worry that Gon is becoming bored. This is not the kind of long time reunion that he's planning.

Night had already fallen when they walk their way back on Gon's rundown, shabby, tasteless and small apartment (Too much abuse). But feeling Gon's presence, smelling his lingering scent in the air calmed Killua down. Better that going back on his luxurious hotel suite that feels lifeless and empty.

Bu before they found the familiar alley, Gon grabbed his arm and half dragged Killua to one of those gloomy alleys that thugs and mafia frequented. "Wh-Where are you taking me?" Killua asked, a bit surprised from Gon's changes.

"Nah, I just felt the presence of a rare animal. I even smelled it. This is bad. We're in a middle of a civilized city. Why?" Gon answered distractedly without looking at Killua. He kept walking in a fast pace. Clearly agitated.

Killua knows more than anyone how Gon valued animals. As a hunter, that's one of a trait that Gon possessed naturally. Killua just went along and a few minutes later, they reached on of the warehouses in the port of Yorknew City.

Gon hide his presence and walk unhesitatingly inside the warehouse. Killua did the same. What they saw inside made Killua's stomach wriggle uncomfortably. The warehouse is filled with cages in different sizes. Every cages had animals that are very unfamiliar to Killua. Although he doesn't know that much about animal, he knows that there are unusual.

For example, a horse with horn. Sabre toothed tiger. A human shaped fished is one of a giant glass tank filled with water. Then last but not the least, the one thing that Gon is staring at so intently is a metal caged slightly smaller, a winged reptile blowing fires and crying piteously. Being carried by men in civilian clothes.

A dragon. This is the first time Killua ever saw one. But he read a lot of books that clearly depicts the mystical beast that is said to exist only in legends. What made Killua uneasy is Gon. He's emitting a spine chilling aura. Killua eyed the premises once again.

There's about six people with nen abilities. And maybe seven or eight other people who did some minor labors. One of them, probably the leader, is directing a few people loading the cages to the cart from one of the ships in the port. To be carted inside the warehouse.

Killua could already imagine that this ship must be owned by some big time mafia in this city. These animals are probably smuggled. Since the annual auction are reaching its climax, these mafia Don are going to raked more money from auctioning these animals in the underground that is frequented by rich people with unusual taste.

Gon's apparent distaste is something Killua rarely see from Gon. But its something that people had to watch out for. This down to earth, humble. Kind and honest human being is quite scary when he snapped. Something people should be stay away from.

Without saying a word to Killua, in a speed that Killua almost didn't follow, Gon started attacking the nen users. In another thirty seconds, four of them already fall limply on the floor. Killua took care of the other one, and he simply threatened the workers who couldn't used nen to run away. They got nothing to do with this.

Facing the leader, Gon's stare couldn't be more cold than winter than it is now. Before Gon did something that he would regret later. Killua stopped him. "Gon that's enough. Let me handle this. Just think about what to do with the animals."

Gon hesitated for a moment. "Its horrible Killua. Most of these animals are almost extinct. And that baby dragon came from the Dark Continent. Some people in the southern tribe worship dragons. Dragons lived here a long time ago before the Pandora's Gate is erected. But their numbers are dwindling in our world, because of us. Humans." Gon said bitterly. But he finally relented and let Killua take over.

The guy in his late twenties, wearing a very formal black suit. Probably a right hand man of the mafia boss, left in charge of the operation. He was clearly terrified but he's doing his best trying to hide it. And he's not backing down either."Y-You, do you know what you've done?! This is our turf. We will kill you and your whole family for messing this operation..!"

"Me and my whole family?" Killua smiled at that. The joke is on him. His whole family, huh? Probably even the whole Hunter's Association wouldn't be enough. But there's no way he'll unnecessarily reveal that. "Ah well, be my guess.." The guy before him is unnerved by his amusement. Killua just took that chance and hit the guy solidly at the back of his neck and he also fell limply on the floor.

In a few moments, his eyes seek Gon's whereabouts. Gon made a few phone calls using the mobile phones of one of unconscious guy on the warehouse. Maybe about thirty minutes later, a few people came. Claiming to be members of Society of Rare Animals Protection, or whatever that is. Killua didn't pay attention. He's been looking at Gon the whole time.

It kind of saddened him that Gon matured a lot. Leaving him behind. But then, at the end of it, as they made their way back. Gon hold his hand. "Killua I wanted to say something to you.." Gon said seriously. A line that somehow made Killua's heart skipped a beat.

"Wh-What is it?" But before he could ask any further what it is, they both felt an intense killing aura from behind. The all too familiar aura filled with bloodlust and malice. That could only be one person.

"Hisoka.." Gon muttered..

"Oh, did I interrupt something? Please do go on and don't mind me" Hisoka said in that dripping honeyed voice that seemed to be mocking them. Accompanied by that smirk that is both spine tingling and charming that is so… so Hisoka..

"You, what do you want?" Killua asked. Skillfully hiding his alarm. He though Hisoka was with Illumi that's why he let Alluka go home. Where is Illumi then? And this guy, approaching them could only mean one thing. Trouble.

"I don't want anything from you Killua. I just want to see Gon. Its been a while right? I could feel you miles away but I couldn't point out where you are exactly. Ah, how I missed. Are you gonna play with me again. Like you used to?" Hisoka's voice and his tone of speaking really annoyed Killua and what made him furious the most is when Hisoka added. "Ah but Killua's here. Have you told him yet?" Killua wanted to wipe Hisoka's knowing smile from his face with a punch.

_Told me what?_

Killua could feel Gon stiffened from Hisoka's words. He wanted to know so badly what Hisoka is implying. And Gon seemed to be trying to hide it. And what is he going to say earlier, before this creep interrupted them? So many questions but they're not in any position to calmly talk about it.

_Are you hiding something from me, Gon?_

**Disclaimers:**

**I don't own HXH..**

**Hey? Anybody read the latest chapter? Gon can't use nen. Leorio and Kurapika became zodiacs and they're going to the Dark Continent..! What about my favorite couple? T_T**

**Lately I'm becoming obsessed with Elricest. I'm also contemplating writing Armorcest..! So stimulating, honestly. Please read Maddening Obsession too, if people got time to spare. Thanks for reading. I'm going to write HisoGon next chapter? Anybody want to read that? Please tell me if people want to see Gon mutilated in bed by Hisoka. Gaaahhhh, I'm drooling…!**

**Gon: It Hurts… Haah.. Haahhhhh…..**

**Hisoka:Bear with it…**

**Ahahaha, I must be going senile already. Please leave some reviews if you still like how this story is going. Constructive Criticisms are very much welcome and please do tell me if the story is being downright boring or trashy.. Thanks for reading…**


	6. Chapter 6

2 years or so ago..

After Gon and Killua separated, before he took off to follow Ging on his journey, Biske talk to him. Being serious and all. He didn't get to meet Biske alone right after he got released from the hospital What with the ruckus of the celebration for his recovery and he met Ging, finally.

Biske called him over to talk about something important. "What is it? Biske-san?" Gon asked Biske. And instead of being answered, he was punched solidly to the right side of his face. "I told you to call me Biske-chan or just Biske..!" She shouted, her hands on her hips ready to reprimand him more.

"I got it, Biske. You don't have to punch me. That hurts." Gon said while massaging his cheeks with his left hand. When he looked up at Biske , he saw she was crying. "Idiot..! I punched you because you're an idiot..!" The she started her long ranting and raving about Gon's recklessness.

Although that long and winded discussion is sort of traumatizing, what with the occasional slap or punch from Biske. He couldn't help but feel Biske's parental concern for him, so much like Aunt Mito, though way too violent. Biske really cared for him. And it's his fault.

But the things Biske told him after that are deeply engraved into him. That pushed him to do what he has to do and gave him a new goal and purpose in life now that he finally found Ging. There is one thing that he had to do. Something he must do. And a person that he had to protect at all cost.

"Listen Gon, Killua almost died trying to save you."Biske said and he told him in painstaking detail what really transpired while he's uselessly lying on the hospital bed. That did it, he only felt a bit of remorse and guilt because everything turned out alright in the end.

The naïve way of thinking that conclusion is all that matters. But he unknowingly almost got Killua killed. His most important person almost died. Because of him. And for the first time, he was wracked by guilt and remorse. The paralyzing fear of almost losing Killua left him numb. And he made up his mind.

This time, he'll be the one to protect Killua. This time for sure, he wouldn't become a burden to Killua. Not anymore. This time, he would no longer give Killua a very hard time. He'll carry the burden. But in order to do that, he needed to be strong first. He'll do anything to be strong. Strong enough to protect Killua.

"I know I'm breaking my promise to Killua not to tell you. He made everyone promised. Everyone in the hospital with you knows. Morau, Knov, Leorio, Hanzo and some of your friends knows, but they promised Killua. But as your master, I deemed it right to tell you. You're always being reckless and you always moved without thinking things over. Killua always clean up after you. You never realized that, did you? He's willing to die just for you. And he almost did, just to preserve your innocence and naivety. But you have to grow up Gon. That's why I'm telling this to you. You have to shed that obliviousness and naïve way of thinking. Unless you want to learn the hard way, when you finally lose Killua." Biske said seriously.

Gon looked down in shame. Clutching his knuckles the whole time. That hurts more that punches and slaps. Because its true. Everything she said is true. Biske is always right. He almost got Killua killed. He had to grow up. After that, he thanked Biske for telling him and they separated.

1 1/2 Year Ago

It was one of those times that Ging left him in the Republic of Padokia and told him to wait for him. He said he's going to take care some business(Without telling him where he's going and how long. Irresponsible as ever). Vague as ever. Gon didn't know the reason until a little over six months when Ging told him that he's preparing to go to the Dark Continent.

A week later, Gon finally realized that Ging might be gone for a little while. Since he's already in the Republic of Padokia anyway, he decided to enter The Heaven's Arena once again. Partly to kill some time, but mostly to train. Although not until he reached 200th floor did he finally meet some worthy opponent. And another trouble is…

Hisoka is also there. To kill some time apparently. Or so he told him, but knows enough that Hisoka lies all the time. And as usual, things might get bloody and troublesome. Except this time Hisoka, observant and nosy as he is pointed something out.

"Heh, fancy meeting you here. Will you play with me? I'm bored. But I guess you'll pass. You're distracted. Something bothering you and its got something to do with Killua." Hisoka said with that knowing smile and smirk.

"How did you know?!" Gon asked. Surprised.

"I just guessed. You're too easy to read. How fun..!" Hisoka said in his usual teasing manner.

"You tricked me..!" Gon pouted.

"That's because you're too oblivious and naïve, as always. You don't change at all."

Gon's atmosphere darkened. He's been trying hard to change and to lose that obliviousness and naivety. "Fine, I'm stupid. I just want to get stronger and get rid of this innocence that everybody found amusing…!" Gon's sudden outburst both startled and amused Hisoka.

"Get stronger and lost your naïve ways? I know a thing or two to achieve both in no time at all. I could even teach you. But I'm not sure I'll like you without your innocence and obliviousness. It would no longer be fun to tease you then." Hisoka said seriously with a hint of amusement in his tone.

"Really? You know how? Will you please tell me?" Gon is really desperate. Time is running out. And the training with Ging though it will probably help him a lot in a long run, but would probably took a lot of time. He needed to get stronger as soon as possible. For Killua.

"Sure. But you can't back out halfway." When Hisoka looked at Gon, he saw the his unwavering determination. "Well if you're sure, meet me at my floor tonight at midnight. You know where it is, don't you? I'll wait for you." Hisoka walked away without waiting for his reply. Waving his hand in a gesture of 'see you later'.

Midnight..

Hisoka is a Floor Master in Heaven's arena and he's on 247th Floor. As Gon rode the elevator, he got some time to contemplate his decision. Meeting Hisoka is definitely dangerous. But the knowledge he might impart to him is definitely worth the risk. And its too late to back out now.

Its approximately 11:52 when Gon finally set foot on the 247th floor. It came as a surprised to him that the walls are adorned with suit symbols (Hearts, Diamonds, Clubs and Spades) in deep crimson in contrast with the jet black walls. A decoration that left Gon little or no doubt that he's on the right floor. Even if he went here accidentally, he would know right away that this is definitely Hisoka's.

Other than the creepy wallpaper, the floor looked very much like his quarters in 211th floor. Except the rooms are only few and probably beyond the door are rooms with different functions, since technically, only Hisoka live here.

He walked straight to the furthest door on the left. That;s where he felt Hisoka's aura. Clearly, Hisoka knows that he already stepped on the floor. He turned the doorknob without hesitation and entered the room. It was very dark inside. But his eyes easily got accustomed to the darkness. The room is completely empty. The room is devoid of decorations or furniture. The only light is coming from the floor to ceiling window that lined the entire opposite wall. The view is beautiful. You could see the city and the sky seemed so close.

But in the middle of the room, Hisoka is sitting crossed legged, building card castles. His favorite pass time. "What took you so long? I got bored." Hisoka said without looking up to meet Gon's gaze. "You said midnight right? Its only 11:55, you said midnight." Gon said evenly.

"Oh, did I?" Hisoka said with a genuine puzzlement in his eyes. "I just told you that to make the atmosphere looked like a rendezvous of two lovers eloping. You could've come earlier its not like I got anything better to do." Hisoka said, finally looking up to see Gon blushed in indignation.

"Y-You..!" But before Gon could say something more, a sharp object fly past him and cut his left cheek clean. The blood dripped from his face. His eyes darted on that direction and saw a joker card stuck on the door he just closed.

"First sign of naivety, you came here unquestioningly, without preparations. It didn't even occurred to you that I might be lying and I just want to kill you. Or did you think that I can't kill you? Or are you underestimating me thinking you could beat me or better, run away from me at first sign of trouble?" Within seconds, Hisoka's joking manner turned deadly. This means business.

Every word Hisoka uttered struck the point home. He's silent the whole time. Because Hisoka is right. He didn't think about this enough and just leaped at the first offer. But he finally said. "I know you wouldn't kill me. I'm not yet strong enough to be worth your time to kill." Gon said. Even that line is humiliating for Gon, to admit that he's so insignificant and weak.

"Good point. I won't kill you, at the very least not yet. But I'll be teaching you a lesson that would make you naivety and innocence to disappear for good." In that creepy smile he said those words as if enjoying a joke that only he can get. "Are you prepared?" Gon nodded. "Then show me your conviction."

"The fastest way to make your nen stronger is the vow or contract. You do know about it right? Since you almost died from the vow after all, Illumi told me. But if you made the right vow, setting the limitations to what you truly want with convictions that wouldn't waver, it would work out for you. Any sane master would advice you against it. But since you want to become strong fast, that's the only way even with the enormous talent like yours it would still take years."

Gon nodded in confirmation. "I already know about that. But somehow, I could no longer place a vow and limitations to myself." Hisoka smiled at that. "That's because you lacked the conviction and determination. If you're heart is not really into it, nothing will happen. Look at Kurapika's conviction in killing the whole Phantom Troupe for revenge, he became stronger in a small amount of time. But his nen is only limited to killing the Phantom Troupe. Remember the feeling of when you first activated the vow." Hisoka

"Yes, I was desperate that time. My only wish that time is to Kill Neferpitou and I don't care what will happen after that. I think I made a vow while thinking 'I don't care if this is the end' with so much hatred and guilt. So basically, I just need a strict vow that won't be too extreme to kill me." He said, finally getting Hisoka's point.

"Gooooood boy..!" Hisoka said while beaming at Gon with that creepy smile. Then he added "I thought it would be similar to explaining Confucius to a dog." Hisoka chuckled. Veins popping, "The heck was that supposed to mean.." Gon didn't know who or what Confucius is, but in Hisoka's tone of voice clearly indicated that he thought Gon would be too stupid to get it.

"Ah well now that you get it, let's proceed to getting rid of you obliviousness and naïve way of thinking." Hisoka's eyes turning serious and he gazed at Gon with a look akin to a predator eyeing his favorite prey. His tongue wet his lips in way that disturbed most people.

After getting some useful information from Hisoka, Gon lose the tension and alertness he was feeling earlier. But in a speed that was too fast for him to follow, Hisoka punched his gut. Not strong enough to make him lose consciousness but enough to sapped his strength and paralyzed him temporarily. Hisoka is clearly holding back.

Gon didn't have time to react when Hisoka used his bungee gum and bound his wrist. Pin him effectively on the floor. Hisoka touched his crotch. "You're probably not even aware how this part of you functions yet except peeing. You're so innocent." Hisoka said. Amuse at Gon's helplessness.

"WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Gon asked indignantly, trying to struggle but Hisoka is straddling him, aside from his hands being bound by bungee gum, he's clearly on Hisoka's mercy.

"In this kind of situation, your daily training, your practice and your knowledge in fighting is useless."

"R-Release me..! Hey!" Hisoka started stroking him and blood rushed both to his face and to his nether regions. He's reacting to Hisoka.

"What am I doing? I'm showing you the absolute difference in our strengths and forcing a humiliating act upon you." Hisoka's menacing words and blood thirsty eyes rendered Gon speechless for a second.

"I want to watch you as you break down to pieces. If you stopped struggling it won't hurt as much." Hisoka finally pulled his shorts away. He alternately stroke him and putting his fingers inside Gon's rear hole. That embarrassed Gon further. But at this point he finally realized that struggling is useless. But his conviction is getting stronger.

"When everything is over you'll realized the relevance of this act in order to lose your naivety and obliviousness. But a lesson without pain is meaningless, that's why I'm going to engrave this lesson upon you." Clearly, he's enjoying this. Its also demonstrated in his enormous erection as his fingers lazily stroking his shaft.

For the first time in his life, Gon learned the meaning of fear and absolute humiliation. How naïve and arrogant he is for meeting Hisoka like this, unprepared. Even death and torture wouldn't taught him this kind of lesson, won't make him realized his mistakes. But at this moment he finally realized his own mortality and accepted it as Hisoka entered him.

"T-That… hurts…..Haahh… Haaaahh…." Gon said, drops of tears spilled from his eyes involuntarily.

"Bear with it. Remember your determination and conviction when you courageously come up here.." Hisoka said as he moved his hips slowly. Letting Gon get accustomed to him first. And without Gon realizing it, he started enjoying the whole ordeal. That shamed him further..

After a while that seemed like eternity, they both finished. Hisoka got up and tidy himself. Gon was left sprawled on the floor. "Did you learn your lesson, Gon?" Hisoka asked in a matter of fact way as he checked his clothes and comb his hair.

Gon slowly got up. His hips hurt like hell. But strangely he's not angry at Hisoka. Not even a bit. The lesson that Hisoka wanted to impart with him is clearly received. His eyes possessed the light of wisdom and determination. "I did." He answered timidly. He would no longer be the person he used to be.

He finally learned to fear death. To finally realized the limits of his mortality. His weakness and his insignificant. And he now felt his convictions to be complete. He let out his aura and finally took his lifetime vow. He finally realized what is it he really wanted.

"I vow to only be able to use the full extent of my nen for Killua's protection and nothing else. Not even if my life in danger would I ever be allowed to use more than half of my nen abilities. If I broke the vow, I will die as punishment." With Hisoka as his witnessed he finished the vow and he felt an aura enveloping his heart. But in exchange, a great surge of power made its way to his system. He can feel it. SO strong and powerful that without the limitations, it might destroy his body.

"Kukukuku, how fun. I would love to fight you right here right now to test how strong you've become. But since you wouldn't even be able to exceed half, that would be too boring.. You two are really interesting. But I bet you didn't even tell Killua yet how you feel.." Hisoka said teasingly.

"Yeah, you're right. But someday." Gon answered seriously.

"Tch, how boring. I thought you'll be going beet red in embarrassment again." Hisoka said pouting.

Gon frowned. After everything that transpired between them, its too late to be embarrassed by such teasing. Gon used Hisoka's bathroom. After he tidied himself, Hisoka is now playing with cards again. "Thanks Hisoka." Gon said as he opened the knob to exit the room and out of the floor.

Hisoka just smiled and throw something on his direction. Gon catch it. When he looked at the palm of his hands, it's a bungee gum. Hisoka's favorite gum. Then Gon walked away.

**DISCLAIMERS:**

**I don't own HXH. Thanks for reading. I'm so sick, what the heck am I thinking?!**

**If I didn't get reviews telling me they like the chapter, I AM SO DELETING THIS…! I originally made this as a draft for a one shot. But since it fits the story I just somehow decided to add this to the story. Please tell me what you think. Constructive criticisms are very much welcome.**

**I got the idea while reading Baki manga. The sequel to the Baki tv series. The heck, my perversions knows no bounds. How could a normal people find inspiration for yaoi in a story full of blood, mangled bones and twisted characters?!**


	7. Chapter 7

_Hisoka…_

If there is anything or anyone that symbolizes trouble to Killua, it's Hisoka. The psychopath jester, who's fun loving. Though he's in no position to call anybody a psychopath, given his background. Added to the fact that Hisoka is close to a certain someone that by all intents and purposes contributes to how Killua grew up and what kind of person he just turned into. Illumi, the brother that he both loved and feared.

Not knowing where Illumi is if not with this particular psycho poses a great problem to Killua. For all he knows, Illumi might be back on the Zoldyck mansion already and it could be bad, because Alluka is there right now and there's no telling what Illumi will do.

"Nothing, I'm just passing by. You do know all the big shots are here in Yorknew City at this time of the year, don't you?" Hisoka said in that creepy way of speaking that Killua find disgusting. So far his reasoning is plausible, but you couldn't let your guard down for Hisoka is always up to something mischievous.

"The annual auction, where rare items are sure to be found and rich people are beside themselves bidding for treasures." Killua answered automatically. But there is something about how Gon stiffened and how Hisoka looked at his best friend like a cat who swallowed a particular tasty canary.

"Yep, and I was as usual on the looked out for anything interesting that might take place. Just like a few years ago when the Phantom Troupe made quite a splash on killing everybody and stealing all of the items. That is certainly fun, ufufufufu.." Again, Hisoka is talking to Killua but observing Gon.

"Ah yes, I do recall that you have the knack of riding the wave. You're always there when something terrible is about to take place and you find it fun."Killua said bitterly. They had a particularly bad time about that years and years ago when they got entangled on the messy affair of Kurapica and Phantom Troupe. Hisoka being here means there is something big about to take place, unless he's interested into something.

"Hisoka, if you need something from us why don't we cut to the chase?"Gon suddenly said beside him and Killua is jolted from his deep thought on what Hisoka might be scheming. Being serious is nothing unusual coming from Gon, even back then, as usually oblivious and airheaded as he is, Gon could be counted on being serious when the situation calls for it.

But that seriousness is mixed with apprehension and try as he might, Killua would notice. Years might've separated the two of them but Killua like to believe that they're always connected by their deep bond. The feelings that Killua had for Gon have long since gone way past the point of being just a best friend.

To Killua Gon is everything, his light, his warmth and his love. It wouldn't be an exaggeration if Killua would put it as he woke up every morning and kept on living just for this person beside him. A slight changed wouldn't go amiss if it concerns Gon. It was something that is persistently tugging at Killua's gut that there is something about Gon, though he appeared the same as before.

Though as usual, its only his instincts and no evidence could back it up. But Killua's instincts had never been wrong and even though it always turned out that he's over thinking things way too much, there is still something.

But before Killua could contemplate any further, Hisoka responded. "Aawww, why the serious faces? I just felt both of your presence earlier and decided to greet the two of you like old friends." But Gon glared at Hisoka. "Don't be mad Gon, really. Just get over it and tell Killua already, its interesting what would happened."

_Tell me what?_

Before Killua could even take a look on Gon's face he already felt the explosion of aura from him. Still the warm and pure aura but there's a tinge of something negative from it. Its not as bad as when Gon is absent mindedly killing Neferpitou in bloody mess years and years ago. But the negativity coming from his aura is close to that.

"Ooohhh, scary. Though I wouldn't want to miss fighting with you right here and right now, the conditions where I want the fight to happen has not been met….. yet.." The last word is belatedly added. Killua had no idea what Hisoka is talking about. What conditions? Hisoka, missing his chance to fight Gon? Unthinkable..!

There has to be something. Something more going on between these two, what Gon want to say before and what Hisoka wanted Gon to tell him. Killua knows as he looked at Gon and Hisoka that they both know what the other is trying to say. While Killua is being left behind as a bystander and somehow that made him feel so unbelievably annoyed.

Though Hisoka is crazy strong, Killua and Gon put together as they are now could probably even their chance to Hisoka. Is that the condition that is not met? That Hisoka wanted to fight Gon alone? But his instincts told him there is more.

"Yes, we don't want to fight you too. We would run" Gon said. Again Killua is surprised. Gon loved jumping into fights when provokes even when the odds are against him so this is seriously not like him.

"Oh? Are you confident now that you could outrun me now?" At that Hisoka only look at Gon. Beside Killua, Gon flinched as if remembering something unpleasant. "Maybe Killua could with his nen abilities, as Illumi told me. But I doubt that an enhancer like you with a straightforward personality would even so much as think about developing an ability to outrun anybody.." At that, Killua flinched. Everybody knows that you developed your nen abilities based on your desires and personality, molding it to weapon but when it comes down to it, nen ability is created through a person's subconscious needs.

Its like Hisoka just pointed out to him that he developed denkosekka for running. That's quite a blow since he's always felt insecure and always come close to betraying Gon before by running away when in danger.

The tension is palpable in the atmosphere. For a few seconds that seemed like eternity everybody is silent. Then Gon break the heavy tension. "Of course I can, I have Killua who can use godspeed. I'll just have him carry me like a princess and make a run for it.."Gon said seriously. Hisoka and Killua looked at him incredulously, then Hisoka burst out laughing.

The heavy tension enveloping them is gone just from a few words from his best friend. Gon might be quite slow sometimes but he's unexpectedly perceptive at times. He probably noticed that Hisoka just stumbled into the most sensitive subject that they could tackle in Killua.

Only Gon could make Hisoka laugh like this. Killua is sure of that. Even if the world turned against them, one thing is for sure, despite what Hisoka is always telling them, Killua knows that he would never ever kill Gon. Whether Hisoka knows that himself or not is something Killua is not sure of. But that is Gon's biggest charm. Everybody had to love him, even this psycho love him.

"Its really worth coming here just to lay my eyes on you. Really I just find it amusing to tease the two of you. I'm going, for I've got a prior engagement. See you soon." KIilua is surprised that Hisoka just turned their backs on them as his form and presence just disappeared into the darkness.

"He's gone." Gon sighed exaggeratedly. Killua is relieved too, but that encounter gave him reasons to question his best friend. "Your place is nearer right? Let's go there instead." Gon said, flashing his all too familiar brilliant smile.

"Yeah." Though he wanted to question Gon about everything, it can wait. They just walked on a steady pace until they reached the high class hotel that Killua is currently staying.

After entering the suite fully furnished with expensive furniture and wide living space, he can't helped but compare it to Gon's apartment and he wondered whether the reason Gon whimsically decided to stay on Killua's place instead of his, is because it finally penetrated his best friend's thick skull that luxurious suite is always better that rundown apartment.

Killua started removing his clothes as he always do after a long day to change clothes. Gon doesn't mind right? He always changed in front f Gon before, what could've changed? Its just clothes. And Gon is just sitting comfortably on the luxuriously soft couch, tinkering with his mobile phone and Killua frowned. Since when did Gon get interested in gadgets?

After a few moments he was dressed comfortably on his favorite turtleneck clothes that he always favored. "Gon, what do you want to tell me before Hisoka interrupted?" Killua asked casually. He doesn't want to ask what Hisoka mentioned that Gon ought to tell him, right of the bat.

"I… What is it again?... Uhm… I… I… I, yes that's right I want to ask you if you're interested in going to the Dark Continent with me.." Then there goes Gon babbling stuff that the V5 is badly in need of capable hunters, how he wanted to go after Ging, and that Leorio and Kurapica already went there with the rest of the Zodiac.

Gon is blatantly lying on his face. Gon had always been a bad liar. But this is too much..! If Gon couldn't even tell him what he's trying to say before, then there's no way he would even hinted what transpired between him and Hisoka.

"Liar.." Killua said quietly and tears slid down his face involuntarily.

"H-Hey…! Why? Why are you crying?! I'm sorry okay. I'll tell you, but not now. Not yet. I'm really sorry.." Gon hugged him. The warm and comfort of him is really comfortable, he almost lost his resolved to make Gon tell him everything by making him feel guilty. To make that work, he just stayed silent.

But instead of a long confessions from Gon, Killua got a light kiss on his lips that last for a few seconds. "W-What was that for?" Killua asked in indignation while blushing furiously.

Gon, equally beet red answered "J-Just something I learned from a certain tribe to cheer someone up.. Did it work?" Gon asked testily.

"Idiot..!" Killua's plan on making Gon confessed is all blown away. Gon always managed to destroy his pace effortlessly. That's cheating..! How could Gon do that?! A kiss from Gon is a bit mind boggling to say the least. That kept him from thinking straight. He'd to try harder. They kept huddled together for a long period of time. Not saying anything, but their feelings being close and no words are necessary. Killua lost track of time.

Somehow or another, Killua dozed off beside Gon. Though he became alert on the slightest noise and knows that Gon is preparing to leave without telling him anything. Killua frowned inwardly at that and wondered more than ever what his best friend is really hiding from him as he kept pretending to be asleep. As soon as he felt Gon leaving the floor, he proceeded in following him. He's didn't come from an elite family of assasins for nothing. He could tail someone better than Gon does.

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_Okay, that was close…_

Gon sighed as he made his way to his place. Remembering the traumatic encounter with Hisoka earlier that evening. That jester really loved to toy with him. Hisoka knows that he doesn't have any guts to ever tell him his feelings, that's why Hisoka is teasing him.

All these time after that most traumatizing encounter with Hisoka, they actually saw each other. Well, not regularly but often enough. Hisoka, like many big names in Hunter's Association is pretty much interested in the Dark Continent. As Gon tag along with Ging, he kept seeing Hisoka.

He didn't know what Hisoka actually wanted or what he's really after. Fun is his only law, the absolute rule that he always follow and nothing else. Gon knew that now. But he's blushing furiously as he recalled kissing Killua again after so many years.

Killua, the person he love the most. Being away from him and finally being together again feels like a dream to Gon. The feelings of being filled and satisfied. Killua is everything and more, his very life itself. Kissing him, even for a few seconds leave him with an intense craving akin to a gnawing hunger of wanting to do more.

As he entered his small apartment he instinctively knows that Hisoka is waiting for him. No more jokes and teasing this time around. He didn't invite Killua on his place on purpose because he knew Hisoka would be lying in wait and he meant business. Hisoka showed up earlier to send him the message that he need to talk to him. Preferably, alone..

"State your demands Hisoka.." Gon said emotionlessly. He learned how to handle Hisoka. And the best way is to cut the jokes..

Hisoka looked up from the card castle he's building on Gon's bed and smiled…

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Killua is hiding in the shadows and beyond shock on the knowledge that Gon is sneaking out to meet Hisoka. Hiding from him..! His best friend..! And Hisoka of all people?! What the hell is going on?!

**DISCLAIMERS:**

**I don't own HXH.. Thanks for reading^_^**

**Anybody still reading these? Please review. Constructive criticisms and suggestions are very welcome. Even violent reactions.. I just enjoyed writing chapter 6 so much, I feel guilty. Maybe I should write HisoGon next time so I wouldn't feel frustrated and deprived… My love for HxH characters are so complicated..! Hisollu is also on the processed of being born… I hope people would read such things…**

**Once again, thanks for reading^_^**


	8. Chapter 8

Killua is watching in the shadows, suppressing his presence as he was taught since young. Watching apprehensively the meeting of the two people he didn't expect to ever meet besides plain coincidences. He's trying to keep calm in order to not let the pounding of his heart get discovered. These two people he's been spying on are practically monsters after all.

_Gon and Hisoka, no matter how much I think about it, there's got to be something.._

Killua felt a pricked of irritation for Gon always tell him everything before. What can a mere three years possibly changed? They promised that they would always be together until the day that their recklessness kills them both. But Gon, doing this on his back is a form of betrayal in Killua's opinion.

_I am arrogant. Arrogant for thinking that Gon need me. Arrogant to the fact that Gon can't live without me. But maybe it's the opposite, and maybe I've always knew all along that I'm the one who couldn't live, who couldn't survive without Gon._

Killua is being swallowed by the negative thoughts that had always been lurking inside of him. Part of it is cause by his insecurities from the start. The insecurities of having the right to be beside Go, to be the closest person to him. Nothing else matter but Gon.

Killua is painfully reminded by the time when Gon is lying on the hospital bed, dying. Three years ago, when he finally realized that what he felt for Gon is already more than best friends. He became painfully aware that he could give up his life and sell his family to the hunters just to save Gon, nothing else.

_Back then, all I could think about is that I don't mind dying… I just wanted to hold onto the thought that you would once again walk under the sun and charm every people you'll be acquainted with, with that brilliant smile of yours that gives me more sustenance and energy more than the real sun could ever provide._

He listened raptly to the conversations, trying to think rationally and logically even though his feelings are in turmoil. Being consumed by intense hatred and jealousy, those feelings are slowly eating Killua from the inside. Losing himself slowly. How he can't stand anybody getting close to Gon. Even Leorio and Kurapica should back off and keep the proper distance and Killua always made sure they do.

Then Killua saw Hisoka from his hiding place, as he got up slowly and walked towards Gon on his usual carefree pace. Gon didn't move or even flinched when Hisoka caressed Gon's cheeks with his left hand. Then like a magician that he always proclaimed himself to be, produced a piece game card with suit symbols and slowly slash a thin gash on Gon's neck, droplets of blood started to flow from the small wound.

"Ah, you're not afraid anymore now that Killua is no longer here. Your heart is pounding like a rabbit's earlier, your palms are sweating and I could feel the tension and dread earlier tonight from your aura. Are you really that terrified that Killua will hate you if he knew that you took a vow again?" Hisoka asked in that usual voice dripping with amusement and arrogance on his usual tone.

_A vow?! Gon took another vow?! It isn't enough that he almost died once and I almost died in the process before, just to save him?! Is that what Gon's hiding from me and the secret Hisoka knows about?!_

Killua barely managed to stop himself from exploding then and there. He knows that there is more and he had to know everything, He can't let his emotions overtake him. There is too much to lose if he lost his temper now. Using his will power to hold his flooding emotions.

_I'll just torture Gon later.._

Killua consoled himself by the thought of taking it all out on Gon later. He kept observing the peculiar exchange between the two. Even though an excruciating pain is tugging at him from the inside, he had to keep silent and keep watching. Killua have always been confident that his tolerance to pain is by far the best in the current generation of Zoldyck's. Killua is positive that compared to Milluki, Kalluto and Illumi are not immune to pain as much as he is. No ordinary pain could deter him either physically or emotionally.

But the pain he's feeling now is worse than anything he had experienced before. The feeling of being betrayed. No, not exactly betrayed because he knows that he would always clean up after Gon's recklessness, but deliberately keeping that from him is the betrayal.

For a while the two is silent. Then Gon finally speak. "What do you want from me Hisoka?" Gon looked at Hisoka's eyes with that piercing gazed and unwavering determination that Killua had always admired from Gon. Even Killua is not that confident that he could ever looked so defiant in front of a person that is stronger than him.

"Oh, business already? You're no fun, why don't we talk the way we did before? You're so serious…!"Hisoka said in his own teasing manner, and glanced at Killua's hiding place in the shadows. That's when emotions finally overtook Killua and his heart started pounding rapidly. Cold sweat is starting to form at the back of his neck.

_This is bad..! He knows that I'm here from the start..! That monster..! He could even see through my zetsu and hiding ability that far surpassed my skills years ago?! Is he human?!_

Killua couldn't keep calm but he tried to rein the emotions in After all, Gon haven't noticed yet and Hisoka didn't mention anything. That means that Hisoka wanted him to overhear what they are going to talk about. He wanted to see what its going to do to their deep bonds. He wanted to shook them up for his own amusement…!

"Nothing really. Everybody knows that you're father is forming his own expedition team to go to the Dark Continent and he's trying to recruit promising people that wouldn't die in the process. So far I've heard that 85% of the people who went ahead a few years ago from Pandora already died and some came back sick and grotesque beyond recognition.." Hisoka said.

"So? What does Ging got anything to do with this?" Gon asked still staying alert, not letting his guard down in front of Hisoka even for a bit.

"Simple. I am acting as a liaison for the Phantom Troupe. They wanted to challenge the Dark Continent. Maybe you could talk to the oh-so-important Ging Freecs on my behalf." Hisoka said mockingly..

Gon frowned at that. "You want to use me to form a connection with Ging? How convenient for you, though I'm sorry to say I can't help you. But you do know that I have no say on Ging's—I mean dad's business. And you're probably getting something big in return from the Phantom Troupe. Why should I help you?" The way Gon handled the conversation surprised Killua more than anything.

_Gon did get smarter. Must be his cunning dad's influence.._

Being away from each other for three years and Gon already changed this much. Maybe tagging along with that eccentric father of his must've at least pounded some common sense and maturity to Gon. Although the knowledge saddens Killua, because Gon used to be very dependent on him when it comes to complicated negotiations that required psychological battle like this one. So Gon actually learned how to not be taken advantage of, all the time.

"I don't know if I should be amused how much you've grown. I do feel elated though, because I'm partly responsible.." Hisoka smirked and wet his lips with his tongue in his usual manner that disgust Killua so much.

_Partly responsible? Hisoka is partly responsible for Gon's growth? What the hell does that mean?!_

But the sudden burst of deadly killing intent emanating from Gon stopped Killua from thinking about it. The killing intent is so strong it reminds Killua of Neferpitou's smashed head spurting green blood. Their conversation is really peculiar to Killua. Gon is getting mad at the wrong words, but didn't get mad when Hisoka just casually slash his neck earlier.

Gon kept his silence, but Hisoka kept pursuing the conversation. He was totally unaffected by Gon's sudden burst of anger, if anything Hisoka looked amused. "ufufufufu, you still couldn't move on huh? Anyway, I know that's not true. I just want you to arrange a meeting between me and Ging. I'll handle the rest."

"Like I said, why should I do that? What's in it for me?" Gon asked persistently, while Killua is cheering in the shadows because of the fact that now he's seeing Gon making some sense out of something.

Hisoka smirked at that and said. "If you don't, I could always tell Killua your secret, ufufufufufu.." Hisoka said and that immediately changed Gon's expression. Gon suddenly became pale, and in a few seconds, Killua already figured out the outcome. Hisoka won the negotiations.

Gon pulled his mobile phone out of his pocket, dialed Ging's number and briefly explained that somebody strong is interested in joining the expedition. After Gon cut the call, he glared at Hisoka. Hatred and pure loathing is clouding Gon's brilliant eyes.

_What is the secret that Gon is so terrified that Hisoka will tell me?! Is it the vow?! No, that's not it. My instincts are practically screaming that there is more…_

As Killua pondered that, Gon finally told Hisoka the location and time that Ging set up. Killua so badly wanted to wipe that satisfied smile off Hisoka's face. He even had the nerved to glance at his direction..!

Then something about the next exchange that finally snapped the taut string that is Killua's patience. Hisoka walked over and touched Gon's cheeks once again with his finger, his face leaning forward. What the hell is he going to do?!Something about the gesture made Killua squirm inwardly.

_Nobody should touch Gon intimately but me…!_

The possessiveness he felt towards Gon is overpowering the insecurities he felt towards their relationship. He couldn't care less what Gon might think about it, more importantly Hisoka ought to get his fucking hands off Gon..!

_He's mine.. Gon is mine and mine alone..!_

Without thinking too much about it, he let out his killing aura. Killua let his emotions overtake him. No longer caring about the consequences, Killua had blown his cover and leaped on lightning speed and attacked Hisoka with his sharp nails.

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Everything happened way too fast. One moment Hisoka is leaning his face towards him, the next he felt a killing intent that put Hisoka's bloodlust to shame. Then it happened in the next quarter of a second, Killua leaped out of nowhere and attacked Hisoka with all his might.

Hisoka barely dodging the attack meant to kill him once and for all. If it weren't this monster is the one standing before him, he'll be dead by now. But Hisoka didn't get out of it unscathed. The attack that is meant to severe his head is barely dodged and it got him on the shoulder and now he's bleeding.

Hisoka doesn't seem to be affected at all, Instead he turned around and look at Killua. The all too familiar creepy smile adorning his face and his tongue wetting his lips gesture that Gon found a bit unsettling. Like a supreme predator, eyeing his prey. But before he could think about Hisoka, Gon's attention darted to Killua.

_Killua?! Why is he here?! Did he follow me?! This is bad..!_

Bad because Killua might've heard something he shouldn't have, how long has he been watching from the shadows? He didn't notice at all. When he looked at the bleeding Hisoka but with amusement lighting up his face, Gon finally realized.

_Hisoka knows. He knows that Killua had been hiding in the shadows and eavesdropping. Damn, he got me.._

Bad because This is the condition that Hisoka wanted to fulfill before fighting him. Hisoka wanted to take Killua as a hostage and fight me. Because if it meant that I could protect Killua, the limiter would automatically be removed. This is definitely bad, he doesn't want to get Killua involved in this.

Not Killua of all people. He no longer owned his life, because his life already belongs to Killua. Nothing could change that, nobody could change that. Even if people don't understand, he doesn't care. Killua is everything, as long he's beside him nothing else matters.

_Three years ago I should've died and you miraculously save me when nobody else can. This life is no longer mine and I am willingly dedicating myself to Killua. But its more than that, it's not out of duty or obligations. I love Killua.I don't care if the world end, Killua and I will keep moving forward._

Regardless of Killua's feelings towards him, even if he's not that confident that Killua actually felt the same way as he does, it doesn't matter because he'll love Killua anyway no matter what. As natural as the pull of gravity, Gon is positive that even if he got reborn a thousand times he would always fall unconditionally in love with Killua.

That's how deep his feelings are for Killua. Though this kind of love is unconventional, he's going to keep moving forward. As he contemplated all of these things, at the same time he's terrified. Terrified on what killua will make out of all this. Did he hear everything? Gon shudder at the very thought.

"You are so impulsive Killua, very different from Illumi…"Hisoka said, looking at Killua with that mocking eye of his. Not even attempting to staunch the blood from his shoulder.

"I'm not Illumi..! And back off..! Don't touch Gon carelessly with your bloodstained hands..! You have no right…!" killua is really furious, practically snarling at Hisoka without paying heed that the person before him is stronger. Gon is terrified for Killua, Hisoka wanted to threaten him enough for him to unleash his full power.

Killua stand beside him. His hands protectively shielding Gon from Hisoka as if the gesture could actually ward the jester before them Gon prayed that Hisoka will be satisfied that he managed to secure an appointment with Ging through him, and he already got more than fair share of fun by stirring things up between him and Killua.

Instinctively, Gon knows that Hisoka will back off after a killing farewell words that would linger on their minds. That's how Hisoka had always been and it's getting creepy for Gon how all these years he's getting started to get used to Hisoka's whimsical personality.

"Bloodstained hands, eh? Then you're the same. You have no right to touch Gon with your hands soaked with blood and with your mind full of impure thoughts.." Hisoka said at Killua. Killua froze, almost as if petrified on the spot. Gon didn't understand what Hisoka meant. But he understood enough that those words greatly affect Killua. He had to do something. Say something…!

"I already give you what you want Hisoka. Please leave." Gon said through clenched teeth, before Hisoka said more things that could make Killua kill him in bloody mess. Gon is afraid to look at Killua, seeing his reaction and guessing how much did he hear and if he actually understood.

"Heh, guess I'm leaving. Since I owe you one now, Gon. But you'll hear from me again soon enough.." After Hisoka said that, his presence disappeared in a blink of an eye. Gon sighed in relief. They are getting stronger, but if Gon's hunch is correct, then so is Hisoka.

"K-Killua?" Gon asked reluctantly on the unmoving and silent Killua. He grabbed Killua's shoulder. "H-Hey, are you okay?" then Killua slowly turn around. With that glazed look on his eyes and a mad expression that chilled Gon to the bone rendering him unable to move.

Before he could react, Killua shoved him so hard on the floor, the air are knocked out of his lungs. He instinctively tried getting up but Killua straddled him and point his sharp nails on Gon's neck. As Gon stared at Killua's eyes, envelop with madness instead of the mysteriously calm cerulean blue eyes.

Gon gulped, he was completely pinned down. Not that he would ever fight back even if Killua meant to kill him, not that he will. But Gon is terrified anyway. Gon felt a prick of pain from his neck and knew without checking that he's bleeding.

"K-Killua..?" Gon asked pleadingly.

"If you can't be mine, then I might just as well kill you now.."

**DISCLAIMERS:**

**I don't own HXH. Okay, thanks for reading^_^ What do you think of this chapter? Please review and share your opinions, constructive criticisms are very much welcome. I still have a lot to learn. Here's the jealous and possessive Killua… Somehow, I've been constantly thinking about it. But I'm not sure if people will like that kind of Killua. But since somebody actually brought it up, I finally wrote it down. Thanks^_^**


	9. Chapter 9

"_Assasins.." Killua said with his cunning smile as he stared at Gon. The kid his own age is full of wonder and curiosity. They had the same height, the same age and they are both adventurous. But he never opened up to Gon, not with the fact that he only knew Gon for a few short days hanging between them._

_But for reasons even Killua couldn't fathom, he just blurted that out thoughtlessly. Now thinking about it, even if his life depends on it, he couldn't think about the real reason why did he become that honest to Gon at that time. He could've lied. Lies come as easily as breathing to Killua, so what's one more lie to one oblivious kid?_

_He just didn't realize that time, that Gon had that kind of effect on everybody. He could bare anybody's soul, regardless of their age, race and beliefs. He could make anybody open up to him. Gon is just that charismatic and charming. Always surrounded by interesting individuals, people just fall for him. Even Hisoka, the infamous psychopath is so taken in with him. What makes it more dangerous is that the person himself, meaning Gon, is quite oblivious to the effect he had to other people._

"_Both of them?" Gon asked with his face full of wonder but pretty much serious. The open individuality and natural curiosity is what gave Killua a nudge to tell Gon about himself. At least that's how he justified his behavior before, that Gon is a very interesting person. But now, on his perspective as a person who have gone through so much and get older a bit, maybe right from the start he's already attracted to Gon._

_Kiilua laugh. "How did you know I was serious?" He asked. It's the first time an individual caught his interest. He's straight forward and honest, totally different from Killua._

"_But, its true right? I just, somehow feel it." Gon said._

_With just short exchange of words, Killua became drawn to Gon. Before he even realized what's happening, their bond deepened. With every adventure, with every adversaries, with every life threatening situation and overcoming everything just to laugh merrily like kids in Christmas morning in the end, totally sealed the bond._

_In the middle of that, Killua realized that he would willingly walk away from his family, from the Zoldyck legacy, from his past and from everything that would get in his way. Everything, every move, every step, every breath, every thought and every goals he ever harbored are all for Gon. Killua's life is no longer his alone._

Those distant memories flashed before Killua's eyes instantly as he straddled Gon. It certainly is not the best time to reminisce, but being in this situation, when he's seriously contemplating to kill Gon, Killua wondered if it was really that weird that now of all times he would recall those distant memories. Pointing his sharp nails on Gon's neck, blood dripping on the cut Hisoka made beforehand as Killua pressed his sharp nails on that same spot.

Hatred is clouding up Killua's judgment. It's understandable, right? Gon is hiding something from him. Meeting Hisoka secretly, forming another vow, Gon wouldn't even talk to him like he used to before and for a lots of reasons, he's been dodging some topics and questions and no matter how you look at it, its suspicious.

_Or maybe, I'm no longer Gon's best friend and he couldn't trust me anymore?_

Come to think of it, isn't he the one who betrayed Gon first? These impure feelings are already another form of betrayal. The way he looked at Gon is already bad enough, but it's not like he can do something about it. But he so badly wanted to possessed this person before him.

_And here I am, desiring to kill the only person I've ever cherished.._

A searing pain stabbed Killua's chest. He so badly wanted to stop all these and just simply talk it over, like they used to. But there are things that couldn't be resolved just by talking, especially when Gon is dead on stubborn to keep his mouth shout about his secret even if it kills him.

_Yes, that's right. Even if I kill him right here, right now in the most flamboyant manner….. Spilling his blood, have him squirm in pain. What a fitting end._

_Illumi once demonstrated his possessiveness by killing. Killua witnessed Illumi when he was a child. Illumi like a certain exotic bird wondering near the mansion. Even as a child, Killua can appreciate the beauty of that bird wandering near the Zoldyck mansion and the way Illumi kept following that beautiful bird with his eyes. Killua knows that Illumi is captivated._

_For a few days, Killua kept seeing that beautiful bird and Illumi staring at it. Until one day, he saw Illumi, with that bird on his death grip. Blood, draining away and without touching it, Killua knows that the bird's small body is slowly getting cold as its life came to an end._

"_Why? I thought you like that bird?" Killua asked his big brother. Ever since he was young he's already aware that his family is different, but he had to ask why Illumi had to kill that bird that he was certain, Illumi like so much._

"_Because I like it, that's why." Illumi said coldly. Killua stare at his big brother uncomprehendingly and wondering why cruelty comes easily to him. But even as he grew older, Illumi's flawed reasoning is something he's still unable to comprehend._

Until now…

But now Killua finally understand why Illumi killed that bird.

_Because it hurts…_

It hurts to see that beautiful bird flying freely, attracting countless people with its charm and beauty. It hurts to see the amount of freedom it possessed, how it always come and go. It hurts to look at it and love it, knowing that that's all he could do. Just looking, never interfering with its way of life. Your own existence and feelings are barely acknowledged if ever it noticed at all.

_If I couldn't have him, I want to make sure that nobody else can.. Gon is mine.._

It would continue to fly freely, charm people and maybe one day it will never come back and you'll never see it again. The excruciating pain of slowly waiting for that scenario to unfold before you can literally drive you crazy. So why not end your suffering?

Kill it..

Kill it with your own hands..

You shall never suffer another day. For you will spend the rest of your life no longer worrying about it catching the eye of another being again, never worry that it would fly away beyond your reach, no longer feeling the pain of slowly losing it.

_Ah, how I want to feel you losing your vitality bit by bit with my own hands…_

That's the kind of thought running through Killua's mind in that fleeting moment as he holds Gon's life in his hands. He's not even fighting back, not even a bit of struggle. That's when Killua take a good look at Gon's face. He looked at Gon's eyes.

As Killua did that, he got sucked in by Gon's unwavering gaze. No hint of fear, discomfort or distrust. No hesitation or hatred tainting his gaze. Quite different from simply resigning to his fate, as if he's waiting for Killua to just simply cut it out. Not even raising his aura to defend. He simply looked at him as if he's waiting for his tantrums to pass.

_Fool.. I really want to kill you, because I love you too much.._

But looking at that unwavering and trusting gaze, that exceptionally trusting eyes, its as if he could practically read Gon's mind. Saying that 'I trust you' is just too much for Killua, this idiot beneath him is a royalty among idiots. The king of idiots.

_And I love this idiot. I love him so much, it's going to kill me…_

Killua felt defeated by that gaze. The killing intent and the strong hatred he had earlier is completely extinguished before that trusting gaze. The gaze that can see through people's soul. The gaze that made Hanzo back down. The gaze that got Hisoka interested, the very same gaze that captivates countless of people.

_Don't look at me like that, idiot…_

He's looking for justifications to just simply end it with Gon. Now that he think about it, he left everything just to chase after this person. Those feelings are deadly and fatal, but he decided to move forward carrying those burdens.

_Even though I want to kill you and just simply carved the memory of your smile for eternity in my mind…_

Killua's face crumbled and without him being able to control it, Killua's tears started running down his cheeks. Killua look away, but didn't move. Killua's drop of tears plopping down on Gon's shirt. Earlier this evening, he simply pretended to cry just to lure Gon. But this time, it's inevitable. This is humiliating. He wanted to kill this person badly to stop the pain.

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Gon is not afraid of Killua, rather he was afraid for Killua. More than anybody else in the world, Gon knows above anybody else how despite what everybody think, Killua is not really the calm person that everybody sees.

At least, when it comes to Gon anyway, Killua is also capable of life threatening recklessness. Gon also knows, above anybody else how hard Killua work for the sake of breaking away from being a Zoldyck. Gon knows, more than anybody else. This person before him is actually fragile. Contrary to being calm, Killua is easily shaken.

Killua is right here in front of him but he could be a thousand miles away for all he knows. Killua is looking at him blankly. That cold blooded gaze that couldn't distinguished between friend and foe. Killua must have shut his mind off reflex, hearing about the vow and his meeting with Hisoka must've shocked him so much.

Then a few minutes pass. Gon was observing Killua the whole time that's why he knows when a slightest change occurred. Killua started trembling slightly and at first Gon didn't get what was wrong until droplets of liquid started to fall on his shirt. It took Gon a fraction of second before he finally that thos droplets of liquids are tears.

Gon is at loss on what to do. But he was suddenly wracked with guilt and remorse.

_If I had but known that I would make Killua break down like this… If I had but known that I would hurt him so much… Then it's better if I hadn't show myself before Killua ever again… Maybe it's a lot better to if I had simply resigned myself to watching him from the shadows._

Killua is my first friend around my age, when I first met him I thought it was only natural that we would get along because of our similarities. But as the days become months and the months became years, their bond deepened as the time they spend together became longer.

Then it didn't take long to Gon to finally realize that he love Killua. At first, that self awareness shook him up, but he quickly realized that he couldn't imagine himself spending the rest of his life and sharing his adventures with anybody else but Killua. It has to be Killua and nobody else..!

That resolved only harden over the years. He would become strong for Killua. He would protect Killua, this time for sure. But unknowingly, he unintentionally hurt Killua's feelings. Those droplets of tears made Gon realized how wrong he had been. All these time he was so focused on protecting Killua that he forgot something very important.

Protecting Killua physically is not enough. He had to protect Killua's feelings too..!

_I'm such a hopeless idiot then and even now…_

Three years ago, he had hurt Killua immensely during his battle with Neferpitou. He fought alone and almost died alone without consulting Killua or even paying heed on what he feels or how deeply he hurt him then. The only thing on his mind is Kaito. He left Killua cleaning after his own mess and he felt so bad about it that he swore he'll never do anything again to hurt Killua.

But now, it seems like he just kept repeating his own mistakes over and over again. Hurting the person most important to him in the process and he didn't even notice. If only he could run away right now, but it wouldn't solve anything.

_And I don't want to ever leave Killua.._

That's when Gon finally arrived at the conclusion that the best way to go about it is to be honest with Killua. He forgot the one thing that he should've kept in mind. He shouldn't treat Kiilua like somebody weak to be protected but as an important partner, his best friend that he could share everything. Therefore, he had to treat Killua as an equal and not hide things from him.

_Because I don't want to simply protect you physically.. I want to protect you from the inside too.._

Gon braced himself and started telling Killua the events that happened between him and Hisoka before. If he could help it, he doesn't want to vocalize those ghastly details that he would rather forget. But deep inside him, he knows that he'll always feel guilty for hiding that.

_I love Killua so much that I could simply destroy everything just to keep him…_

As he quickly looked away from Killua who's straddling him, Gon's thoughts are somewhere else. He tried to recall the details of that night as he made the vow. Doing his best to prevent any biased views and just tell him everything as it is. But another memory with Ging kept resurfacing on his mind, he's thinking whether to tell Killua or not.

"_Gon, did you ever wonder about your mother?" It was one of those countless nights that he spend the night camping outside with Ging as he travelled with this person who is biologically speaking, his father. But during the short time Gon spend with Ging, he just couldn't feel that this person before him is his father._

_For one, although Ging looked old, his inner spirit and vitality is just the same as him and Killua. Somehow, it all makes perfect sense that Ging left him to aunt Mito and he couldn't bring himself to hate this person because he could understand. Because there is no greater feeling than going to an adventure and experienced many things._

_Gon think about Ging's question for a while then answered. "Nope, not at all. Aunt Mito is my mother". Gon answered unhesitatingly that Ging chuckled before him._

"_Ah well, I couldn't blame you though. But tell me if you noticed some abnormalities in you. Like your growth or nen or even the way you think." Ging said seriously._

"_Why? What does that got anything to do with my mother?" Frowning, Gon is merely puzzled._

"_Because your mother….is not human.."_

While recalling those distant memories, Gon seriously contemplated if he's going to tell Killua. But even after he finished recounting the details to Killua about his encounter to Hisoka, Killua only looked at him emotionlessly.

"Th-That's all Killua, really… I'm sorry for hiding that from you. I know you'll be mad. But I don't want to become a burden to you anymore."

But what comes after came as a surprised to Gon. A strong killing intent came from Killua. Gon is speechless, the coldness penetrated him and he could only look at Killua. Killua got up from straddling Gon and he dug his fingers to Gon's shoulder. Fortunately, Killua didn't use his razor sharp nails or his whole shoulder would be ripped.

As Killua forcefully shoved him to the wall, the wall behind Gon cracked. Though it barely hurt him, the force that Killua use vibrated on his whole body and he could only look at Killua's emotionless face as Killua's right hand grabbed his neck in chokehold.

But he wouldn't do anything, Killua is Killua. If he wanted to kill him, Gon wouldn't mind even for a bit. There's only one thing that he regretted. He didn't tell Killua yet, about his feelings. And there's no way that he could tell him now that he couldn't even utter a syllable even if his life depends on it.

_I love you, Killua…_

The way Killua choked him is so skillful, not even a whimper would escape his lips as Killua increased the pressure. Gon just had to admire him as his vision started to get blurry but he still kept both his hands on his side. He wouldn't struggle.

Just when he was going to lose consciousness, Killua released his neck and Gon involuntarily coughed. Killua didn't let go of him though, instead both his hands grabbed Gon's shoulder forcefully and shake him violently. When Gon looked at Killua's face he's no longer emotionless, the empty look on his eyes is replaced with a fiery determination.

"Gon..! I won't allow it..! The things you did with Hisoka, I…I..I.. I want to do it with you too..!" Killua shouted, his face just a few millimeters away from Gon. And It took Gon's slow mind a few seconds before he processed what Killua just said..

"HUH?!"

**Disclaimers:**

**I don't owm HXH. Thanks for reading^_^**

**Sorry for the late update. My country had been hit yet again by a storm. The landfall is just close to my hometown and we lost electricity for a whole day and internet connection for a few days, I almost suffered from internet addiction withdrawal, lol^_^ I hope I didn't disappoint you guys. Especially thanks to the people who always review and gave their opinions. Now I'm seriously at loss.**

**I wrote three versions of the next chapter, while waiting for the connection. Ah well, how do I put it? Uhmmm, well… Please tell me your sincere opinions. Even in PM is fine. The three versions went like this…**

**Killua is the uke, Gon is the seme**

**Gon is the uke, Killua is the seme**

**It's reversible, the seke**

**Opinions pleaseT_T**


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